Insecurity

The worst thing to do when you're insecure is try to hide it. That's falling into the trap, as insecurity is trying to hide what's wrong with you.

Everybody has moments when they're not in control, super sensitive, really want something, confused between their problems and other people's problems, and ultimately: they don't know what's going on with them, and they don't want to feel like that. BUT THAT'S OK.

The worst thing you can do in that moment, is to be impatient. Incurious. To abandon your feelings for something else you think you're supposed to feel. To try to hide. DON'T BE META-INSECURE ABOUT BEING INSECURE!

The common wisdom "don't be insecure" is unhelpful, as trying not to be insecure is part of being insecure. You're insecure, ok. Don't be insecure about being insecure, that's the interesting part.

Start with some analytic wisdom: find your current trigger!

Why are you currently insecure? -Maybe you sent a hopeful message to someone of great importance and they didn't reply and you don't know if they're rejecting you or that they might not have noticed? Knowing what triggered you, and knowing that you can be triggered even if you already know it, is part of not trying to control your insecurity. But also, knowing what it was, can help you try to cope through exploration of yourself and of important people in your life. You can recognize the stages you are going through in your relationship with that person, for example, that you are now more open than before. Or you could reach out to that person and explore things with them, how do they feel about messages? -Figuring out your own triggers, and maybe some complex co-triggering you're entertaining with someone important in your life, can help you make your feelings clear and figure out what you have to work on. Then get a reliable dose of compassion: find your key to patience.

If you are triggered for whatever reason, and you are not at your best, and you want to get rid of that feeling, you may not be able to control it. But you can do something about it. You can find a way to change your mood from impatience about yourself to open and exploring. From annoyed with your very being, to loving. Different people have different keys to regaining their inner space and patience. I recommend that you try petting a dog for 5 minutes, see how that works. Take a walk in nature for an hour or two. Talk to someone compassionate and tell them exactly what's wrong. Or maybe your key is something very specific and unique to you. Babies. Yoga. Cooking. Organized folders. Baths. Just going to the bathroom. Music! It should be something pretty predictable that within a few minutes changes your mood. It might bring out the best in you when you are lost, it might comfort you when you are down. If you believe there are triggers, why not keys? Being able to modulate your own mood, and to get out of the pit of insecurity with patience and space for yourself is a skill that can make you less insecure in the long run.

Of course this is where I suggest that you avoid addictive stuff like sugar, drugs, and stressful video games. These things might seem like reliable mood changers, as they are very magnetic. But they create their own negative feedback loops. So find somthing that won't cover the problem with another soon-to-be problem. -Dogs, what's wrong with dogs?

Maybe then get to focus: you're probably too focused on the wrong thing!

You may be insecure about something, you may be unable to tolerate or be patient about it, but it may not be the right thing for you to focus on. For example, insecure people always focus on external feedback, what people want of them, how they are perceived, and how they need to correct to that. Why not focus on your intentions, the constructive steps you're taking, the stages of your own development and inner progress, how you judge yourself more deeply, and how you are affected by your experiences. Maybe you are waiting for a call back from someone you don't even like? Maybe you did everything right and you still didn't get it, and it means you should stay your course? -Inner focus is almost always the first step. Another way to look at focus is to look at we can achieve, what we are sure of, and what we do believe is good. -Focus on the good stuff. Even on the possibility of goodness itself. Sensitive people who have been rejected and disappointed tend to see more of the risks and burdens rather than the beauty and meaning along their way. Tormenting over the negative scenarios and possibilities sound rational to very smart people for some reason, but they don't see how they are really convincing themselves to despair. Goodness exists, even if it's just in your intentions, so look for it. Convince yourself in self love, or at least work towards it.

What I've laid out here is a guide to the complex trap of insecurity. Even if it runs deep in people's character, it's a very simple trap. It's meant to make you preoccupied with trying to hide some sort of problem, and turns you into a worse version of yourself as you try. So be insecure, don't be insecure about being insecure (meta-insecure if you are a nerd), and focus on stuff that make you secure.

Flashing lights VS dog...